Ways to torture Jaken

Talen from inuyashaword.com

Squish, stomp, split, smash, and bop him until there's
nothing left to squish, stomp, etc.
Throw him into the spring of drowned mouse and feed him to shampoo.
Tell Inu-yasha that he has a shard imbedded deep inside his body.
Put him in a strait jacket, lock him in a small room and make him watch reruns of pokemon
Rip his head off and use it as a bowling ball.
Stick him in the microwave and fry him until he blows up.
Steal the stupid two-headed staff thingie, raise it above your head, scream bloody murder and chase him down the road, scaring him sh**less.
Light him on fire and watch him run around screaming.
Sic Rin on him.
Tell Sesshou-maru that Jaken called him "fluffy"
Tell Inu-yasha that Jaken dissed his mom.
Throw him in the middle of a fight between Inu-yasha, Sango, and Miroku vs. Naraku.
Give Shippou cappuccino and lock him in a room with Jaken.
Make him baby-sit Rin
Ambush him in a dark alley, bop him over the head and while he's unconscious put a sailor scout uniform on him and mail him back to Sess.
Steal the staff of heads and tell Sess that Jaken lost it again.
Put handcuffs on him and lock him in a Tupperware container.
Replace Tenseiga with a real sword and tell Sesshoumaru that Jaken needs another demonstration

Thing InuYasha would never say or do

From varios web sites
" I don't wanna look for Shikon Shards"
"woof"
"Koga, Kagome is yours"
"I just love my brother"
(sesshomaru dies ) Crying "no!!! come back!! I miss you already!"
"Sesshomaru, I worship you..."
" I want to read a book"
" I want to go to school, learn, and go to collage"
Inuyasha is afride to fight: " Kagome, you can take this one, while I run and hide behind one of those trees"
Runs off like an coward in the middle of a big fight
(hands Naraku the jewl shards) "I don't want them!"
"shippo would you like to sit on my sholder?"
"Kouga let's be BEST FRIENDS!!"
I don't want steak
I wanna be human!
kagome lets get MARRIED